I sincerely thank all of the writers, photographers, readers and musicians who have made the last two years an incredible experience, most notably, the original crew of Dawn, Brandon, Johnny and Ryan.

If you want to follow Detour as it morphs into its next phase, become a fan on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

Word.

Anthony Morrow
Editor + Publisher

Just like the Honorable Kwame Malik Kilpatrick (praised be His name), the greatest mayor in the history of mayors, I will never quit you. Unless I get a job offer in someplace nice, like Portland or Montreal. Then I’ll be out of here faster than a Cass Corridor hooker plies her trade.

In the meantime, as Detour transitions out of the daily media game, I will be moving my shtick to a new site called Dyspathy (it means antipathy). The new site will launch for reals (hopefully) on Monday May 11. It can be found at http://www.dyspathy.com. I will not abide a return to Blogger. By God, sir, I will not abide it.

While you are waiting for the new site like it’s an Apple product launch, feel free to follow me on the twit machine (http://www.twitter.com/woodwardsfriend) for the most up-to-date news about the cesarean birth of Dyspathy. It’s kind of happening on the fly and it might be a little messy.

Thank you to everyone who followed me from Detroitist to Detour and those who started reading my mangled prose here. I hope you’ll all hang with me during the transition to Dyspathy. Detour has been a blast. It was like the time Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap went out for a beer with Les Nessmen.

Later cockpunchers,

Woodwards Friend

The Ghost Is Dancing, Battles On (Sonic Unyon, 2009)

MP3: Battles On

The previous release by The Ghost Is Dancing, The Darkest Spark, was pure hipster indie pop. But it was excellent. It had great hooks, it was just poppy enough to not be completely offensive, and it seemed to utilize each band member’s talents to their maximum. Their newest release, Battles On, builds on that not-yet-commercial success. The tracks are definitely more polished, cohesive, and mature (mid-album track “This Thunder”, for instance) in the way that Arcade Fire stepped up their game from Funeral to Neon Bible. Unfortunately, in doing so, TGID have glossed over the group’s biggest asset. The blending of Lesley Davies and Jamie Matechuk’s unique vocals have been slightly overrun by well-orchestrated noise. But that’s what happens when you have a band of 6 Canadian misfits jamming away on their respective instruments. You have to take the bad with the good, and there’s definitely more of the latter on this album.  –AO

Golden Silvers, True Romance (XL Recordings, 2009)

MP3: Arrows Of Eros

If you’re a fan of MGMT, American Apparel, and Apple products, you’re going to love Golden Silvers! The new indie kid fav have just released their debut album True Romance. Just about all you need to know is that it’s very melancholy-pop, danceable at times, and kids on drugs will love it! Especially check out hits “Arrows of Eros” and title-track “True Romance”, they’re actually very impressive, dance-y, and palatable.  –AO

The High Strung, Ode to the Inverse of the Dude (Park the Van, 2009)

MP3: Standing at the Door of Self Discovery

The High Strung are one of the best bands from Detroit that nobody in this city ever makes a big deal about. It’s hard to understand why when the trio of Josh Malerman, Chad Stocker, and Derek Berk have consistently written better and better songs with each successive album. Ode to the Inverse of the Dude, their sixth full-length release, continues the pattern of self-improvement (even in the midst of self-discovery!) and achieves even more than 2007’s excellent Get the Guests, which is hard to fathom since that album is killer from start to finish. Produced and recorded by David Newfeld (Broken Social Scene, Los Campesinos!), Ode is bolstered by some nice studio touches and instrumentation not present on previous albums. But it’s the excellent songwriting that makes The High Strung a band worth celebrating. “Guilt Is How I’m Built” delivers on the driving guitar hooks and rhythm that is a hallmark of their live shows, while mid-tempo gems “Bad With My Hands” and “Rope” offer more mature songwriting and Malerman at his lyrical best. He’s one of contemporary music’s great storytellers and The High Strung continue to supply those words with the hooks and melodies they deserve.  – SB

Immaculate Machine, High On Jackson Hill (Mint Records, 2009)

MP3: Sound The Alarms

It’s the biggest letdown when indie bands actually get good. Immaculate Machine is coming off 2007’s incredible release Fables. That’s a tough album to follow. But, as bands are supposed to progress and refine their sound, they’ve come back with a gem in High On Jackson Hill. Their sound is tighter, they seem to have slightly gotten away from the stereotypical indie ambient folksy sound (although not entirely), and have turned out a finely-crafted album. The album in its entirety is very listenable, with Police-inspired tune “Primary Colours” holding down the middle of the record, and throwback “Only Love You For Your Car” reminding us that Immaculate Machine hasn’t strayed too far from their roots.  –AO

Old Empire, Queen City Quandaries (Gangplank, 2009)

MP3: Sweaterdress

Ferndale’s Gankplank Records‘ newest release introduces us to Old Empire. Queen City Quandaries is a tutorial in classic guitar-driven pop song writing.  The band has a penchant for adding a bit of country twanginess to its pop, and like all great pop bands, Old Empire isn’t trying to impress anybody. Instead, they offer a fun soundtrack to the comings and goings of your weekend nightlife, with pinches here and there of heartbroken balladeering (”Sea Captain”) and swinging, soulful lamentations on loneliness, touched up by classic Dave Feeny pedal steel slide (”Lonely Girl”). And album highlight “Sweaterdress” will certainly make many a summer mixtape (when, ironically, most sweaterdresses will be closeted for the season). Queen City Quandaries reminds us that it’s not hard to write pleasing pop. You just have to commit to it. – SB

The Sweptaways, The Sweptaways Show (Hybris, 2009)

MP3: Happiness Will Be My Revenge (featuring Jens Lekman)

A chorus of thirty Swedish women stylishly garbed singing covers and some original songs with some of Sweden’s best known Indie artists–sounds like a bad gimmick, right? Well, it isn’t. These ladies know how to sing and how to arrange already great songs and make them into something that’s very much their own. Even their cover of R Kelly’s  ”The World’s Greatest” becomes not a tongue-in-cheek impostering but something truly sweet and pleasurable in its own right. Other unlikely combinations work out just as well, such as The Sweptaways‘ collaboration with The Hives’ lead screamer Pelle Almqvist on a cover of The Zombies‘ “Time of the Season,” or a cover of Jamaican Grammy winner Lady Saw’s “I Got Your Man,” with Robyn bustin’ the rhymes. And every Jens Lekman fan must be sure to check out an original Jens tune called “Happiness Will Be My Revenge,” which is as good as anything on Night Falls Over Kortadela. The Sweptaways Show is not currently available in the US, but you can download it at Klicktrack.com or enjoy all of the songs on YouTube, where there’s a video for every song on the album. This is one of the best finds of 2009 so far, and no gimmick. — SB

Awful economy means a really sweet tax cut
And you cockpunchers were complaining about this recession. Turns out you’ll probably have to pay a lot less property taxes because metro Detroit real estate is as worthless as Confederate money! That’s cool because you never really used those schools or libraries or snow plows anyway. Besides with your home worth so little, that property tax savings will come in handy for other expenses. Use that money to send resumes out-of-state or, better, yet purchase a lot of fire insurance and some matches. Who knew that lighting burn barrels so close to a surge protector could be so dangerous? Guess we’ll just collect the insurance money and move somewhere else. (Freep)

Utah is way too fucking gay for west Michigan
Ah Grand Rapids…where the church services are long and the beer is really iced tea. The Kent County Republican Party invited the governor of that God-fearing state known as Utah to come and speak and teabag or whatever Republicans are doing for fun these days. I mean besides burning Arlen Specter in effigy. One problem. Utah’s Republican governor wants civil unions for the gays. That may play with the city slickers in Salt Lake City but Grand Rapids is a traditional kind of place. It doesn’t go in for reasonable compromises that provide civil protections for gay couples while respecting the traditions of religious institutions. No sir, they’ll have none of that fancy talk in Dayton, TN Grand Rapids. Utah Governor Jon Huntsman can just stay in his mountain west Sodom and Gomorrah. (MLive)

Robert “Bob” Bobb continues quixotic crusade for “education”
This horrible Bobb fellow still thinks the Detroit Public Schools exist to educate children rather than accepting their role an incubator for a post-Marxist revolutionary movement against the oppressor class. Basically that means DPS is supposed to be a cash trough for belligerents who freely use phrases like post-Marxist revolutionary movement against the oppressor class. Last night Bobb sat on stage with Bankole Thompson (a journalist so brilliant that he once wrote that Senator Joe McCarthy created the HouseUn-American Activities Committee) to explain his bourgeois “academic” program for the schools. (DetNews)

Hopefully this will mean more factoids
David Hunke is leaving the Detroit Free PressFreep.com to go run USA Today. He had better not make the McNewspaper an on-line only thing like he did with the Free Press because reading the complimentary USA Today is the best five minutes of every airline flight and hotel stay ever. Oh hey, crazy idea but you know who would totally make for an awesome USA Today columnist? Rochelle Riley! Her compact and trite style would fit right in at USA Hooray. Please David Hunke, please take Rochelle Riley with you! (Freep)

Pot meet kettle, kettle this is pot…pot is kind of a weekly version of kettle
So the Metro TimesNews Hits doesn’t like the re-design of the Free Press and News. They say the papers are ugly, thin, and redundant. They called it the McFreep. Fair enough. The newspaper editions of the…wait for it…newspapers are little more than New York subway tabloids without the clever full-page headlines. Also we don’t have subways but that’s a whole other can of worms. Ironically one can read the Metro Timesassessment of the Freep/News re-design on metrotimes.com which is ugly, clunky, and (given the number of incinerator stories) a little redundant. But they had half-naked dancing girls at their Best Of party last week so, you know, can we call them the Real Metro (Detroit) Times? Just saying… (Metro Times)

Madison Heights has had enough of the blacks, thank you much
When John Telford took over Madison Heights’ schools he noticed that they didn’t have much money. One way to get more money was to get more students. Where can Madison Heights finds more students? Detroit, where parents are desperate to get their kid into Burton, Renaissance or right the fuck out of DPS. There was a problem with Telford’s plan. Those Detroit students are…hmmm…how to put this? Black. Madison Heights was like: we didn’t move to Madison Heights just to have their kids go to school with…well look there’s already one in the White Hou…ok but understand we aren’t racist at all. It’s just that some of the white students might be uncomfortable, you know, in the boys locker rooms. Ok Madison Heights is totally racist, also broke, and Telford quit. Gee our old LaSalle ran great… (Freep)

Don Williamson can’t even properly mail a letter
So Flint’s fat turd of a former mayor promised to work for only $1 a year but now he’s decided that he actually wants his salary after all. But Williamson forgot to send Flint a bill. Well he says he sent them a bill but what he actually did was give it to this one guy, in a sealed envelope, who was supposed to give it to this other guy on City Council who was supposed to give it to the new mayor. The City Council guy may or may not have received this invoice for money Williamson had said he didn’t want. And the new Mayor says that he has no invoice. You can understand why this is all so confusing. Do they not have certified mail up in Flint? (MLive)

The Nowhere To Run To joke goes here
You just knew something like this was bound to happen. An ex-Council employee is suing Martha Reeves for wrongful termination. Some people on Reeves staff were padding their hours and Carolyn Dianne Chambers didn’t like it one bit. So this woman, who unfortunately shares her name with Shelly Long’s Cheers character, told Reeves and she didn’t want to hear a thing about it. Martha told Chambers that Coach and Carla get to set their own hours and it’s been that way since she bought the bar after retiring from the Red Sox. Reeves probably thought Kristie Ally would just replace Chambers and they’d finish out the term after 11 strong seasons of comedic brilliance. Martha Reeves is a very confused old woman. (Freep)

Some things are so obvious that they’re hard to see
The Director of Operations for the Holland Tulip Time festival was arrested for having naked pictures of young boys. Really. A grown man in charge of a tulip party has (allegedly) unhealthy sexual habits. You don’t say. Who else? Locker room attendants? Michael Jackson? Gary Glitter? An effeminate priest? Some random Republican ex-Congressman from Florida? If these charges are true then this is the end of our innocence, not just for Holland Michigan, but for the nation. (MLive)

John Cherry resorts to day drinking with Hansen Clarke and some other guy
If you were running this state, and your boss was Jennifer Granholm, wouldn’t you sneak out for a couple or six at lunch? And hell, the guy is running for governor so day drinking probably makes him more relatable to his constituents. There’s really not much else to do when you’re unemployed. Besides John Cherry looks like the kind of guy who can absorb a couple, six Schlitz’s before he even starts to get buzzed. The Republicans want to make a big thing about this because, well, there’s really not much else to do right now if you’re a Republican. Just throw something like this against the wall and hope it sticks with the GOP’s William Jennings Bryan-base. (Right Michigan)

Detour got a few minutes from Matt Cassatta’s busy sched to talk about what it takes to put together internet sketch comedy, the possible connections between Detroit’s film and music scenes, and “Homemade Porn.”

DETOUR: What made you want to start an internet sketch comedy troupe?

MATT CASSATTA: We started These People about three years ago when YouTube had just become a thing that people started noticing. I spent the whole year prior on this short film called Edison Price Homeless Vampire Hunter. After a year of mixing and editing and re-editing and a premier at a Royal Oak movie theater, that was it. It was done. There was no follow-up or feedback. So I thought, with YouTube and the internet, why not do a bunch of little things where we can shoot two sketches in a weekend and get feedback and comments instantly? I wanted to keep making movies. YouTube afforded me a format to do that in, so we went on from there.

DT: Who were your sketch comedy influences?

MC: The State was huge. They were really top of my list because they had a great mix of absurdity and total irreverence and they weren’t afraid to do things that would put out their viewers, which probably endeared their viewers more to them. Then, of course, Kids in the Hall were a big influence, and Stella, which is a derivative of The State, and then Human Giant is also very funny.

DT: Why did you decide to do a live show since your medium is usually video?

Photos: Jerry Wald

New poll has Gary Brown leading Council race among hobbits and hippogriffs
In a far away land of unicorns and magic pixies, Detroit’s City Council would be elected through a series of head-to-head match-ups. And in this far away land of unicorns and magic pixies, Gary Brown smites the braying morons currently on City Council and leads this city to greatness.  No this is true. Gary Brown has a poll showing exactly that. Unfortunately, City Council isn’t elected in a far away land of unicorns and magic pixies. Meanwhile, in reality-based polling news, Mark Grebner shows Ken Cockrel with a very narrow lead over Dave Bing. (Freep, Michigan Liberal)

Detroit Lions ruin your hopes and dreams again
Remember Wayne Fontes? Man, did that guy suck. Until he was replaced by Bobby Ross who ran Barry Sanders out of town and we all missed Wayne Fontes. The Lions got rid of Ross and replaced him, essentially, with Matt Millen who was even more awful. Oh remember those good old days when the Bobby Ross Lions had 8-8 seasons? Matt Millen was finally fired and replaced with Martin Mayhew who is awesome in every way. Except he drafted Matt Stafford and a tight end in the first round and Lions fans has a sad about it. There will be “Re-hire Millen” chants at Ford Field by week three. (Freep)

Enterprising journalists discover morons believe stupid crap
God does not want His children to be sick. That’s why He gave us medicine and science. A lot of people forsake the medicine and science element of creation and just let any old shyster slap the cancer out of their body with a Bible. It doesn’t really work but that doesn’t stop a lot of hand-wringing journalism about the idiots who think it does. Doctors do say that faith healing can make you feel better. Just like a placebo. Or chocolate milk shakes. Mmm, chocolate milk shakes always make me feel better.  Oh sure Jesus one time made the blind man see but, then again, he was THE FUCKING SON OF GOD and not some moron with storefront ministry and a Cadillac. Chiropractors are also bullshit. Homeopathy too. (Freep)

The most awful thing you’ll ever laugh at
A 72-year-old woman’s beloved chihauhua is missing because…wait for it…it blew away in a wind storm. The dog was “last scene air bound.” Stop it. Stop laughing right now. This isn’t funny at all. Some poor old lady loved that dog and it blew away. Are you so cruel as to take amusement in the image of a five pound dog literally flying through the air to parts unknown? People tried to chase after the dog but “nobody could catch her.” You slack jawed ingrates would have just stood there laughing as this poor tiny creature was flying around. You are all horrible, horrible people. (DetNews)

I tell you this because National Public Radio, Max Schmeling was described as a “Nazi Poster Boy” on Friday morning. That superficial and slanderous meme is befits of the work Joseph Goebbels, not a respected news organization. It’s not like that information isn’t available in 10 seconds on the Google. The off-handed slander of Max Schmeling is but one of many things wrong with this dreary NPR commentary about the Joe Louis Fist from “adopted Detroiter” Celeste Headlee, the Douche of the Week.

Perhaps no one told “adopted” Detroiters that everyone else stopped caring about that dumb fist around 1990. NPR’s next essay should explore who is the funnier Cheers character:  Cliff or Norm. Like the thoughtless slander of Schmeling, the Fist commentary’s staleness is but one of the essay’s many problems. At the heart of this audio Hallmark card is the Fist-as-symbolic-of-plucky-Detroiters cliché. And that nonsense is the real problem.

Detroiters, according to NPR, are plucky enough to say hello on the street and bake casseroles for the recently unemployed. When did the most banal of social mores become exceptional or even noteworthy? There’s something so radical chic about all this. Do these Detroiters, like Leonard Bernstein’s Black Panthers, enjoy asparagus tips with little dabs of mayonnaise and meatball petites au Coq Hardi? They are brave. Plucky also.

We refuse to be defeated! Just like Joe Louis! Fine feel and bad history, as the late Pat Moynihan was fond of saying. Joe Louis may remain the greatest heavyweight of all time but there’s 40 years of demographic evidence to suggest that Detroit has been knocked out like Gerry Cooney or Michael Spinks. Not just the city, but also the metro area and the entire state of Michigan. Our politicians may lie (and cheat and steal and then get head from Christine Beatty) but Census data can only tell a grim truth. People can’t abandon this industrial dust bowl fast enough.

Consider this a Joe Louis Fist cockpunch: while Detroit was (and still is, apparently) pondering corporate fist art and smiling at strangers, the rest of the world was preparing for the post-industrial society. Metro Detroit is a generation behind other rust belt cities like Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Cincinnati. Even second-rate milltowns like Youngstown are making tough decisions to ensure survival while Detroit dithers…albeit with a smile and a Bisquik cheeseburger pie. Double-digit unemployment, $300,000,000 structural deficits, crumbling infrastructure, devalued real estate market, these problems won’t go away because of a can-do spirit. The giant sucking sound you hear is the emigration of the employable.

You’ll have to excuse my lack of patience for dull little pep talks (and mangled Latin) about Detroit’s slumbering greatness. You will also excuse me for expecting more from life than a pan of mostacholi on layoff day. The Optimist Club, NPR, and the rest of the boobosie can keep their pasta and artistic explorations of fisting. Empty gestures don’t fucking matter at this point. Oh and speaking of empty gestures, while Detroit managed to honor Joe Louis (in death) with a giant metal fist menacingly pointed toward Canada, “Nazi poster boy” Max Schmeling supported Louis financially in later life and paid for the Brown Bomber’s funeral. Speramus meliora, indeed.

Many of you have probably seen The Detroit Free Press’ new anthem for Detroit commercial, featuring a little ditty called “This Time,” sung by Detroit’s favorite native son (no, not Kid Rock!) Brian Vander Ark. For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wizened or anything about this serious economic slump–or that things were ever bad at all in Detroit–when I watch this inspiring stuff.

But srsly folks, I can’t knock the Freep or anyone for trying to raise the city’s spirits (note that even the Spirit of Detroit statue has its head down lately) or inspire our citizenry to pull up its collective bootstraps (particularly during Hoedown).

Yes, there is a need and a place for inspirational messages and hopefully people will start lifting up Detroit by means other than prayer. But sometimes, when we get bogged down by news of our failing industries and bombasted by the media with its silly studies and statistics,  spreading misapprehensions about our fair city that usually turn out to be true, we need to do something other than confront reality with a headstrong resolve that things will get better.

No, sometimes, we need to divert all attention away from our problems. And to do that, I suggest we all pay heed to one of our favorite Detroit commercials of yore, from the Detroit Zoo.

HAHAHAHA. Look at those adorable aminals talking!! Oh man, I feel better already.

Just take it from Mr. Bear: “You just gotta stay cool!”

Tru dat, my good friend.