Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 29, 2009 at 8:53 am
Dave Bing’s Dickensian work houses are still kind of Dickensian
Dave Bing is a businessman and a job creator. He’s a real go-getter who will cut through the red tape and make things happen. Please note that by making things happen, he does not mean correcting his plants’ safety violations because that’s really hard. First you have to review the records and then maybe create a special blue ribbon panel to recommend changes and those recommendations should go to the Board for approval. Then you want to conduct a comprehensive request Read more
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Tags: Blink The Three Eyed Fish, Dave Bing, DPS, Grand Rapids, newspapers, Republicans, Robert "Bob" Bobb, The Gays, Utah
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 28, 2009 at 8:38 am
Joe Harris is a boring, competent man
Detroit’s CFO Joe Harris is like that nerdy kid who lived alone back in freshmen year. He was always studying, went to sleep early, and usually only talked to you when he wanted the music turned down. He also made the dean’s list and graduated on time. It’s a good thing Harris is responsible for the city’s audits because under Team Kilpatrick the financials were managed by pretty much everyone else on your floor freshmen year. They signed up for multiple credit cards on the quad to get free t-shirts and then Read more
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Tags: city audit, day drinking, Don Williamson, Joe Harris, John Cherry, Madison Heights, Martha Reeves, perverts, Tulip Time
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 27, 2009 at 7:28 am
Felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s fashion forward purse
They say prison can change a man. I mean really change him. Maybe that’s what happened to felon Kwame Kilpatrick. He was spotted last week going into Fishbones. That’s kind of odd on its own, seeing as Kilpatrick is supposed to be living in Dallas. It’s ok because he’s back in Detroit for “training.” Anyway, he was going into Fishbones and witnesses report to David Josar that Kilpatrick was carrying “a casual bag.” You know, a purse. Read more
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Tags: faithhealers, Felon Kwame Kilpatrick, Gary Brown, Lions, litle dogs, mayoral race, polls, stupid Lions fans, the manpurse, Wayne Fontes
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 24, 2009 at 8:55 am
Monica Conyers, Peter Karmanos shit the bed at breakfast event
There must have been an open bar at “Pancakes and Politics” yesterday because Monica and Pete ran their mouths like they were drunk. Monica nattered on about term limits and Cobo. It was the kind of nonsense you expect from someone who was out-debated by a sixth grader. Karmanos was epic. Aside from calling convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick a “breath of fresh air,” Karmanos went off on a bizarre and historically inaccurate rant Read more
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Tags: DPS, fucktards, Highland Park, Jennifer Granholm, Lions, Monica Conyers, NFL Draft, Peter Karmanos, Robert "Bob" Bobb
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 23, 2009 at 8:44 am
Detroit’s parking jewels can’t find their money
Detroit used to have a lot of trees. The Paris of the Midwest, people said, when they looked at all of our trees. Dutch Elm killed that gimmick. Detroit was also the Arsenal of Democracy because our factories made stuff that killed Germans. Also the Edsel. The de-industrialization of developed nations in the neo-liberal global economy put a stop to that. The one thing we still had going for us was our glorious parking jewels. Treasured by Detroiters Read more
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Tags: bankruptcy, Dave Bing, dullards, Grand Rapids, Illiterates, Mike Cox, Monica Conyers, olds, Parking, Rick DeVos, State Parks, Team Kilpatrick, Thomas Kinkade, voters
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 21, 2009 at 7:49 am
M.L. Elrick and Jim Schaefer drink Carlita’s tears like lemonade
The Free Press, led by Elrick and Schaefer, won the Pulitzer Prize for their reporting on the mess o’scandal that was Team Kilpatrick. Their journalism exposed and helped to topple a corrupt administration that destroyed the careers of police officers, etc. etc. But let’s be honest, the Kilpatrick’s are loathsome people. Kwame was whoring around like a drunken frat boy. Carlita believed Detroit taxpayers exist only to supply her with a garish red SUV. Also she may have beaned a stripper. Read more
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Tags: cocaine, Detroit Incinerator, Elrick and Schaefer, fancy fonts, Lions, Matty Moroun, recycling, Team Kilpatrick, toys
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 20, 2009 at 8:51 am
Denny McLain might as well manage the the Detroit pension funds
In addition to once winning 30 games in a baseball season, Denny McLain stole an entire meat packing plant’s pension fund. Denny is a class act. While no one is accusing Adrian Anderson of outright theft, investing other people’s money in daffy shit like Dominic Pangborn’s parking garage food court, Debbie Stabenow’s whore-loving husband’s toxic dump, and a regional start-up airline from Ala-fucking-bama is just as bad. You might as well steal the money. Read more
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Tags: Art Blackwell, Cobo Hall, Dave Bing, Denny McLain, dumb protests, Jennifer Granholm, Ken Cockrel, kidde porn, libraries, pension funds
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 17, 2009 at 8:47 am
Dave Bing has secret plan to end the Vietnam War, will appear on Laugh-In
You kids today probably aren’t aware of the era known as “the Sixties” because history was replaced by 12 years of MEAP test prep. During this strange, far away time America fought in the “Vietnam War.” An army of five-foot-nothing Asian peasants handed us our asses using little more than Soviet surplus rifles and sharpened bamboo shoots. Richard Nixon announced a secret plan to end Vietnam in 1968 . By 1975, his plan was (sort of) successful. Dave Bing also has a secret plan to save Detroit. He’s assembled a team and everything. He can’t tell us anything else because, you know, Read more
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Tags: Adrian, Art Blackwell, Charlie LeDuff, Dave Bing, Jennifer Granholm, journalism, litter, Michigan Militia, preggers
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 16, 2009 at 8:48 am
Red Wings mask latent homosexuality with sham marriages to LPGA golfers
Hey hey Hockeytown! The Red Wings playoff run starts tonight and they’ve unveiled yet another dumb playoff slogan. This year…wait for it…The Beard Is Back! By “the beard,” one assumes they mean the scruffy facial hair hockey players grow during the playoffs for luck. Or the Red Wings could be dedicating their playoff run to the ill-fated Liza Minnelli-David Gest marriage. The whole thing is very ambiguous. Like Mick Jagger or David Bowie. You know what isn’t ambiguous? Read more
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Tags: American Idol, Davenport University, Dequindre Cut, DPS, Jennifer Granholm, Mitch Albom, Red Wings
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 15, 2009 at 8:44 am
If teabagging isn’t your thing, just wait for the bukkake against regulation
One would think (hope?) that the party of Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard might try to be smart about branding their political protests. Santorum anyone? The GOP is also the party of Sarah Palin and Glen Beck so their per capita IQ rivals the Detroit City Council. All over the country literally dozens of people will be “teabagging” to protest taxes. Sam Wurzelbacher, who travels the country as gay porn archetype Joe the Plumber, Read more
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Tags: bukkake, DPS, farms, Ken Cockrel, lottery, Matty Moroun, MCS, NPR, poors, Sam Wurzelbacher, Stanley Christmas, taxes, teabagging
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