Posted by: Scott Bragg on April 26, 2009 at 9:42 am
Many of you have probably seen The Detroit Free Press’ new anthem for Detroit commercial, featuring a little ditty called “This Time,” sung by Detroit’s favorite native son (no, not Kid Rock!) Brian Vander Ark. For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wizened or anything about this serious economic slump–or that things were ever bad at all in Detroit–when I watch this inspiring stuff.
But srsly folks, I can’t knock the Freep or anyone for trying to raise the city’s spirits (note that even the Spirit of Detroit statue has its head down lately) or inspire our citizenry to pull up its collective bootstraps (particularly during Hoedown).
Yes, there is a need and a place for inspirational messages and hopefully people will start lifting up Detroit by means other than prayer. But sometimes, when we get bogged down by news of our failing industries and bombasted by the media with its silly studies and statistics, spreading misapprehensions about our fair city that usually turn out to be true, we need to do something other than confront reality with a headstrong resolve that things will get better.
No, sometimes, we need to divert all attention away from our problems. And to do that, I suggest we all pay heed to one of our favorite Detroit commercials of yore, from the Detroit Zoo.
HAHAHAHA. Look at those adorable aminals talking!! Oh man, I feel better already.
Just take it from Mr. Bear: “You just gotta stay cool!”
Tru dat, my good friend.
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Tags: Brian Vander Ark, Detroit, Detroit Zoo
Posted by: Scott Bragg on April 18, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Face it, vinyl is sexy. And though digging for vinyl is a sweaty, arduous endeavor, the results of a successful dig are a hard-earned kind of glorious, and a party is its great benefactor. Jaime Foxx’s victory entrance at 30 seconds in to this video for “Slow Jamz” is what diggin through stacks all those long hours is all about. But this video is about a lot more than music at a party. We express a lot about ourselves through the music we play, and sometimes ourselves are lusty. And the right kind of music at the right time can be a boon to our amorous performances.
If you’re a little lost about how to pull together a collection of musical aphrodisiacs, you needn’t look further than Twista, Kanye, and Jaime Foxx for advice. Marvin, some Luther, and a little Anita (among others). That’s all you need–the perfect bill of fare for some close dancing, suggestive touching, and a little pillow talk.
This Record Store Day, be sure to support your local vinyl shop with your hard-earned cash. It’s a noble and worthwhile cause. But there’s definitely something in it for you too, as you’ll surely understand when your lover is blanketed in nothing but your vinyl finds from earlier in the day.
Or cool whip.
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Tags: Anita Baker, Jaime Foxx, Kanye West, Luther Vandross, Marvin Gaye, Record Store Day, Slow Jamz, Twista
Posted by: Scott Bragg on April 11, 2009 at 10:29 am
Baseball is back, baby, and to celebrate the national past time’s return, your Vintage Bin offers you a little clip from one of the all-time great baseball movies, The Sandlot. If Bull Durham is the Amadeus of baseball movies, then The Sandlot is surely the genre’s That Thing Thing You Do–funny, nostalgic, and providing just as magical a feeling upon the subject matter as its more serious counterpart.
If only watching professional baseball was this entertaining! I can just imagine Jim Leyland walking up to Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington before the game and mumbling under his mustache “You eat your Wheaties with your momma’s toe jam.”
Play ball! And go Tigers!
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Tags: Baseball, Detroit Tigers, Opening Day, The Sandlot
Posted by: Johnny Loftus on April 11, 2009 at 10:00 am
Everyone knows Jesus fell twice. But did you know that he also stopped along the way to Calvary to rock some Bagel Bites.
Easter Vigil Mass with the Holy Father
12:00am EWTN (Ch: 44)
@ Basilica, Via Aurelia Antica, 415. Rome. 12 Mid to 3am. Holy Father (resident, Vatican City) spins all night. Also featuring Isaiah (Exodus) dropping old school scripture in the big room. Photo booth by EveryoneIsFamousInTheBible. Visuals from Big Finger in the Sky. RSVP to conicalhat@heaven.com for reduced fee entry.
She’s All That
1:00am WKBD (Channel 5 on WOW)
Cook, Prinze, Jr., Walker, Paquin, fucking weird-ass Matthew Lillard, that dude from “West Wing” and “Psych.” Cast reads like a who-was-gonna-be of the late 1990s. From that group, and excluding Paquin’s turn on “True Blood,” Walker is arguably the breakout star. Running Scared was better than it should have been, and let’s not forget the media’s dropped jaw at the mad box office of the refit Fast & Furious. Speaking of reimaginated films, Prinze is probably dreaming of the day he gets the call for She’s STILL All That, She’s All That & More, She’s All Matt, etc.
Barbecue Paradise
1:00am TRAVEL (Ch: 56)
In barbecue paradise, the palm trees are made of chorizo skewers, and Steven Raichlen is Ricardo Montalban. There’s a Weber Grill the size of the Meteor Crater, and everyone rubs dirt off their smoked beef shoulders. The Hot Pocket you’re eating would be better grilled.
Deadliest Catch
2:00am, Discovery
In this week’s episode, Captain Phil is hospitalized, leaving Murray to helm the Cornelia Marie. In next week’s episode, Captain Ron takes over after Murray fucks everything up. Ahoy, there’s hilarity on the horizon. Martin Short guests.
Rebecca
2:15am TCM (ch: 41)
Last week I watched Suspicion in the middle of the night, and declared to no one that Scarlett Johansson is the Joan Fontaine of the 21st century. Fontaine is featured in this film, too, another Hitchcockian riff on the evil that men and women do. Check Joan’s regal visage and slightly haughty indifference in Rebecca; compare and contrast detour-mag.comversion. Alternately, just do another Scar-Jo Google Image search and pass out on your keyboard.
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Posted by: Antal Zambo on April 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Have you ever seen the John Cassavetes film The Killing of a Chinese Bookie where Ben Gazzara unsuccessfully attempts to transform a seedy strip joint into a belle epoque Parisian review? (If not, you should rent it). Well, where Cosmo Vitelli (Ben Gazzara) fails, the team that brings you the annual Theater Bizarre event wholly succeeds in turning the drab confines of the fifth floor of the Russell Industrial Center into a living, breathing slice of make believe. Their leave-the-kids-at-home version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, titled simply Wonderland premiered last weekend and features unique twists on Lewis Carroll’s familiar characters. This production stars the perfectly proportioned Canadian burlesque performer Roxi Dlite as Alice like you’ve never seen her before (i.e. mostly naked) doing sexy Read more
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Tags: Alice In Wonderland, Russell Industrial Center, Theatre Bizarre
Posted by: Anthony Morrow on April 6, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Detroit is getting a little taste of the simple life, and the folks from University Cultural Center Association want you to help by spreading your seeds… on their plots. The UCCA is setting up a public garden (keep the marijuana and ‘shrooms at home, hippies) on Second and Willis, and there are a ton of plots still available. Not only will you be saving money by growing your own veggies, but all your friends will be super jealous of your trendy new garden chic look (think fingerless gardening gloves and wide-brimmed floppy hats). Buy a plot with your partner. Get your friends involved. Buy a hoe (the legal kind), and get your sowing on!
$25 / Individual wood-framed raised planter - 4′ X 8′
$25 / ADA raised planter - 4′ X 4′
$50 / Raised restaurant/commercial planter - 8′ X 12′
Sign Up Sheet in PDF or MS Word
Full Layout: HERE
Deadline is April 14th. For more info, contact Annmarie Borucki at UCCA: annmarieborucki@yahoo.com
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Tags: UCCA
Posted by: Johnny Loftus on April 4, 2009 at 4:11 pm
When heating your ConAgra Banquet Turkey Pot Pie at 2:30am, be careful not to singe your drunk fingers on the flaming hot poultry jizz that will bleed from its breading. Also, those aren’t peas.
The Real Cancun
1:00am, CW (WKBD)
I can remember this film being a very big deal when it was released in 2003, as it was the first “reality movie.” There was a also big stink made over someone pouring a cup of piss on someone else’s foot. In a critical sense, the piss pourer had no idea how accurate a move this was.
Gem Source
2:00am, HSN
This week on “Gem Source,” join host Willie Aames as he uncovers an ancient fire amethyst, Skeletor’s crystal ball, and a stack of ancient Dungeons & Dragons scrolls that declare once and for all how evil sapphire dragons really are.
Road House
1:00am, AMC
Fuck the X-Men. I want a round of Road House origin films. How did Dalton become so legendary? Did Brad Wesley make his cash in the savings and loan scandals? And where is that bar Dalton calls Wade Garrett at? Also, Wade Garrett could’ve been on Neil’s crew in Heat. “A man puts a gun in your face, you got two options. Stand there and die, or kill the motherfucker.”
Hoover Dam Reinvented
2:00am, NGC
Engineers offer suggestions for improving the Hoover Dam, an engineering marvel of the 1930s. Suggestions include adding a roller coaster, integrating the dam into one of the minus worlds from Super Mario Bros., and waking up Megatron.
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Posted by: Scott Bragg on April 4, 2009 at 11:41 am
I think it’s time for some hip indie band to bring back the mom joke at the beginning of its next video. Or maybe not a hip indie band, but some old, stale, washed up band, in order to gain some much needed ironic cred. Like U2, perhaps (OH, snap!). [Bono: "Yes, The Edge, your mum is so stupid that she doesn't even know the per capita GNP of Zimbabwe nor the amount of aid provided by the G8 to poor East Asian countries from the years 1990-1999."]
1989s “Just a Friend” pretty much blew my 6th grade mind. To be honest, I was still a bit too innocent to understand all of the song’s subtleties (which don’t seem all that subtle in retrospect), and I was absolutely offended when one of the more “mature” kids in my class devised a variation on Biz’s theme: “You, you got a disease. But you say it’s just Read more
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Tags: Biz Markie, Just a Friend
Posted by: Elle Sawa on April 3, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Spring is finally here, and that means… craft shows named after the season! Spring Fling… A Craft Thing takes place this Saturday, April 4th at the Loving Touch in Ferndale. Shannon McCarthy of Comfortably Lovely tapped 20 of the coolest and kitchiest local crafters to display and peddle their wares. Check out the birch bark jewelry from Bettula. See how Talking Squid has reimagined vintage tees. Peruse the colorful vinyl creatures and paintings from KillTaupe. Or just chillax in a booth with a pint of WAB Raspberry Blonde and listen to the tunes being spun by Detour’s Ryan Allen, JRC from Eat This City and Daniel Johnson. The event is free and open to all ages. The Loving Touch is located at 22634 Woodward Avenue, Ferndale [map].
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Tags: craft show, Shannon McCarthy, Spring Fling A Craft Thing, The Loving Touch
Posted by: Johnny Loftus on March 28, 2009 at 1:41 pm
When we’re all in the bread line, tin cups clacking, we will recall our bad choices from the party store aisle. Verdant fields of potato chips soaked in partially hydrogenated soybean oil, and we were the ass who picked the chips guaranteed to taste like the BK Whaler. What? It was Lent!
JTL
Young John Paul II: Witness to Evil
2:00am EWTN
Michael Dudikoff stars as the 264th Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City. The action unfolds in prequel form, following a young Karol Jozef Wojtyla as he bare knuckle boxes his way through pre-Christian Europe. You’re the real witness, and the evil is his fists.
Austin City Limits ft. Corrine Bailey Rae and KT Tunstall
2:00 a.m. :: PBS (WTVS)
Enjoy the breezy sweet sounds of the romantic comedies/Feria ads of yesteryear (2007). Or just
put your own records on.
Bull Riding: PBR in Tacoma
2:00 a.m. VS
Cowboys in Kevlar cowboy hats riding the animal version of the Caterpillar 797B. Sponsored by PBR. Much like your night.
Ultimate Factories
2:00 a.m. :: National Geographic Channel
Learn how the Caterpillar 797B is built. What is the Caterpillar 797B? Dudes, this:
Here’s some fucked up amateur footage of a fleet of 797B’s. Seriously, it’s like waking up and finding out you’re in Terminator: Salvation, only it’s real. (Christian Bale after viewing this YouTube clip: “‘Daht’s fookin’ amateur, man.”)
Video after the jump… Read more
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