Posted by: Woodwards Friend on May 1, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Detroit,
Just like the Honorable Kwame Malik Kilpatrick (praised be His name), the greatest mayor in the history of mayors, I will never quit you. Unless I get a job offer in someplace nice, like Portland or Montreal. Then I’ll be out of here faster than a Cass Corridor hooker plies her trade.
In the meantime, as Detour transitions out of the daily media game, I will be moving my shtick to a new site called Dyspathy (it means antipathy). The new site will launch for reals (hopefully) on Monday May 11. It can be found at http://www.dyspathy.com. I will not abide a return to Blogger. By God, sir, I will not abide it.
While you are waiting for the new site like it’s an Apple product launch, feel free to follow me on the twit machine (http://www.twitter.com/woodwardsfriend) for the most up-to-date news about the cesarean birth of Dyspathy. It’s kind of happening on the fly and it might be a little messy.
Thank you to everyone who followed me from Detroitist to Detour and those who started reading my mangled prose here. I hope you’ll all hang with me during the transition to Dyspathy. Detour has been a blast. It was like the time Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap went out for a beer with Les Nessmen.
Later cockpunchers,
Woodwards Friend
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Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 29, 2009 at 8:53 am
Dave Bing’s Dickensian work houses are still kind of Dickensian
Dave Bing is a businessman and a job creator. He’s a real go-getter who will cut through the red tape and make things happen. Please note that by making things happen, he does not mean correcting his plants’ safety violations because that’s really hard. First you have to review the records and then maybe create a special blue ribbon panel to recommend changes and those recommendations should go to the Board for approval. Then you want to conduct a comprehensive request Read more
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Tags: Blink The Three Eyed Fish, Dave Bing, DPS, Grand Rapids, newspapers, Republicans, Robert "Bob" Bobb, The Gays, Utah
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 28, 2009 at 8:38 am
Joe Harris is a boring, competent man
Detroit’s CFO Joe Harris is like that nerdy kid who lived alone back in freshmen year. He was always studying, went to sleep early, and usually only talked to you when he wanted the music turned down. He also made the dean’s list and graduated on time. It’s a good thing Harris is responsible for the city’s audits because under Team Kilpatrick the financials were managed by pretty much everyone else on your floor freshmen year. They signed up for multiple credit cards on the quad to get free t-shirts and then Read more
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Tags: city audit, day drinking, Don Williamson, Joe Harris, John Cherry, Madison Heights, Martha Reeves, perverts, Tulip Time
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 27, 2009 at 7:28 am
Felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s fashion forward purse
They say prison can change a man. I mean really change him. Maybe that’s what happened to felon Kwame Kilpatrick. He was spotted last week going into Fishbones. That’s kind of odd on its own, seeing as Kilpatrick is supposed to be living in Dallas. It’s ok because he’s back in Detroit for “training.” Anyway, he was going into Fishbones and witnesses report to David Josar that Kilpatrick was carrying “a casual bag.” You know, a purse. Read more
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Tags: faithhealers, Felon Kwame Kilpatrick, Gary Brown, Lions, litle dogs, mayoral race, polls, stupid Lions fans, the manpurse, Wayne Fontes
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 26, 2009 at 10:25 am
Kristallnacht was among the most horrific events in western history. Nearly 100 people were killed, several hundred thousand more were sent to die in concentration camps, synagogues, homes, and businesses were burned by Nazi storm troopers. In the midst of this orgy of mob violence, a prominent German quietly hid two Jewish children and helped smuggle them to the United States. At the risk of getting all Paul Harvey…that man was former heavyweight boxing champion Max Schmeling.
I tell you this because National Public Radio, Max Schmeling was described as a “Nazi Poster Boy” on Friday morning. That superficial and slanderous meme is befits of the work Joseph Goebbels, not a respected news organization. It’s not like that information isn’t available in 10 seconds on the Google. The off-handed slander of Max Schmeling is but one of many things wrong with this dreary NPR commentary about the Joe Louis Fist from “adopted Detroiter” Celeste Headlee, the Douche of the Week.
Perhaps no one told “adopted” Detroiters that everyone else stopped caring about that dumb fist around 1990. Read more
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Tags: False Optimism, Fists, Max Schmeling, NPR
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 24, 2009 at 8:55 am
Monica Conyers, Peter Karmanos shit the bed at breakfast event
There must have been an open bar at “Pancakes and Politics” yesterday because Monica and Pete ran their mouths like they were drunk. Monica nattered on about term limits and Cobo. It was the kind of nonsense you expect from someone who was out-debated by a sixth grader. Karmanos was epic. Aside from calling convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick a “breath of fresh air,” Karmanos went off on a bizarre and historically inaccurate rant Read more
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Tags: DPS, fucktards, Highland Park, Jennifer Granholm, Lions, Monica Conyers, NFL Draft, Peter Karmanos, Robert "Bob" Bobb
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 23, 2009 at 8:44 am
Detroit’s parking jewels can’t find their money
Detroit used to have a lot of trees. The Paris of the Midwest, people said, when they looked at all of our trees. Dutch Elm killed that gimmick. Detroit was also the Arsenal of Democracy because our factories made stuff that killed Germans. Also the Edsel. The de-industrialization of developed nations in the neo-liberal global economy put a stop to that. The one thing we still had going for us was our glorious parking jewels. Treasured by Detroiters Read more
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Tags: bankruptcy, Dave Bing, dullards, Grand Rapids, Illiterates, Mike Cox, Monica Conyers, olds, Parking, Rick DeVos, State Parks, Team Kilpatrick, Thomas Kinkade, voters
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 21, 2009 at 7:49 am
M.L. Elrick and Jim Schaefer drink Carlita’s tears like lemonade
The Free Press, led by Elrick and Schaefer, won the Pulitzer Prize for their reporting on the mess o’scandal that was Team Kilpatrick. Their journalism exposed and helped to topple a corrupt administration that destroyed the careers of police officers, etc. etc. But let’s be honest, the Kilpatrick’s are loathsome people. Kwame was whoring around like a drunken frat boy. Carlita believed Detroit taxpayers exist only to supply her with a garish red SUV. Also she may have beaned a stripper. Read more
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Tags: cocaine, Detroit Incinerator, Elrick and Schaefer, fancy fonts, Lions, Matty Moroun, recycling, Team Kilpatrick, toys
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 20, 2009 at 8:51 am
Denny McLain might as well manage the the Detroit pension funds
In addition to once winning 30 games in a baseball season, Denny McLain stole an entire meat packing plant’s pension fund. Denny is a class act. While no one is accusing Adrian Anderson of outright theft, investing other people’s money in daffy shit like Dominic Pangborn’s parking garage food court, Debbie Stabenow’s whore-loving husband’s toxic dump, and a regional start-up airline from Ala-fucking-bama is just as bad. You might as well steal the money. Read more
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Tags: Art Blackwell, Cobo Hall, Dave Bing, Denny McLain, dumb protests, Jennifer Granholm, Ken Cockrel, kidde porn, libraries, pension funds
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 17, 2009 at 8:47 am
Dave Bing has secret plan to end the Vietnam War, will appear on Laugh-In
You kids today probably aren’t aware of the era known as “the Sixties” because history was replaced by 12 years of MEAP test prep. During this strange, far away time America fought in the “Vietnam War.” An army of five-foot-nothing Asian peasants handed us our asses using little more than Soviet surplus rifles and sharpened bamboo shoots. Richard Nixon announced a secret plan to end Vietnam in 1968 . By 1975, his plan was (sort of) successful. Dave Bing also has a secret plan to save Detroit. He’s assembled a team and everything. He can’t tell us anything else because, you know, Read more
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Tags: Adrian, Art Blackwell, Charlie LeDuff, Dave Bing, Jennifer Granholm, journalism, litter, Michigan Militia, preggers
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- Linking back, 8 May 2009 « archizoo on Mmmmmmmm….A Statue-Sized Fistful Of Little Roquefort Cheese Morsels Rolled In Crushed Nuts Hey kids, Check out http://www.dyspathy.com to get a preview of the new site's look and feel. Let me know what you ...
- Woodwards Friend on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy Shit! Now I have to change my favorites AGAIN! Serously, I can't wait for your new site and I ...
- Julie on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy Oh for kwame's sake why didn't you just sell the place instead of padlocking the doors. Are you taking ...
- cj on What’s On My Mind: The Detour Status Update Congrats and good luck. Now, let's work on getting Woodman to open for X. Cheers!
- Woodman on What’s On My Mind: The Detour Status Update damn you and your restless ass. come back soon.
- david on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy Supergay pitcher & catcher jokes make Mt Clemens smile. I'll just buy the shots, how's that? You just have to ...
- August on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy Hey. I'm sorry. I think it's my fault. See, I found Detroitist (and tried to make everybody I know read ...
- AmyinMotown on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy Cesarean in the sense that it's happening on the fly and done in order to save this baby. There's a ...
- Woodwards Friend on Detroitist >> Detour >> Dyspathy "...about the cesarean birth of Dyspathy" Do you feel like you're being untimely ripped from Detour-mag's womb?
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