Motherfucking Watchmen. The Dark Knight got us moist but this flick is going to stick it in sideways.

While this guy was busy jacking off to the trailer, we scooped up this exclusive image of the new Entertainment Weekly cover due out this week. And if you were busy hitchhiking your way to Comic Con and missed the trailer, here it is in all its Quicktime splendor…

- Brandon W.

Chasing a dream is one thing, but living alone with a full animatronic band of bears and wolves is something else all together. The Rock-afire Explosion follows Chris Thrash as he tries to fulfill his lifelong quest to own and cuddle with the Rock-afire Explosion band (of Showbiz Pizza fame). The tiny indie production company Window Pictures is putting out the doc later this year. Add this to the pile of films attempting to demystify the 80’s nerd culture. All we have to say is: keep trying, that shit goes deep. Thank God this dude isn’t obsessed with The Hall of Presidents. No one wants to wake up to Lincoln malfunctioning.

Rock-afire Explosion doing “Conquest” by the White Stripes after the jump… (more…)

Jason Statham is the new Vin Diesel. In flick after flick, Statham looks like Statham looks like Statham who can never look as cool as Tango or truly kick ass like Cash. Dude never changes. Whether he’s in prison, kicking some dudes soul from his face or fucking some chick, he looks, sounds, acts and struts exactly the same. Is a fucking wig too much to ask? A beard? I vote for him being billed as himself from now on.

The trailer provides the makings for a scrumptious shit sandwich: two cups Spy Hunter , one dash of Speed and a sprinkle of Tango & Cash buddy/prison action campiness. I’d rather eat Speed 2. (more…)

A case of mistaken identity. A series of anonymous phone calls. Interrogation by a stern, fifty-ish CIA/FBI/ATF official. Young people running from their wannabe captors, jumping out of windows, ducking from explosions. White people in sleek, sterile offices tracking and watching and toying with cool gadgets. And the obligatory passport; someone always has to look at a passport. Welcome to the world of the Hollywood technological thriller. Don’t know about you, but we’re over this shit. It all looks the same; Hackers meets Untraceable meets 88 Minutes. Fifty bucks if you can name the voice on the cell phone…

– Harry Caul

Speed Racer (Andy Wachowski & Larry Wachowski, 2008)
Monkeys are funny. Poop can be funny too. That said, Speed Racer must simply be hysterical since it has both. It also has a lot of pretty colors that dazzle the eyes and befuddle the mind.

Starring Emile Hirsch, Speed Racer is far less concerned with the titular character and more about his younger brother (more…)

The Ninth Configuration (William Peter Blatty, 1980)
Somewhere in the Northwest United States stands the creepiest castle on the continent. It’s become the asylum for a dozen or so washed-up soldiers who cracked under pressure. From out of the thick fog comes Colonel Vincent Kane (Stacy Keach), the new psychiatrist. His treatment methods could be seen as unsound. He adopts an open-door policy and (more…)

Zero Hour (Hall Bartlett, 1957)

If you’ve seen Airplane! then you’ve seen Zero Hour, though you may not be aware of it. In the museum of 1970s disaster films, an entire wing is dedicated to airplane-themed films. A subject rife for parody, the comedy team of Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker cherry picked ideas from Airport, Airport ’75, Airport ’77, et cetera. Yet, at the heart of (more…)

Pretty Poison (Noel Black, 1968)

“The world has no place for fantasies,” learns parolee Dennis Pitt (Anthony Perkins) after he meets apple-pie sweet Sue Ann Stepanek (Tuesday Weld). He first spies her bearing the flag in her high school marching band as they run through a John Philip Sousa piece in the park. Dennis’s grasp on reality isn’t as tight as it should be. Later, as he inspects bottles (more…)

Full Contact (Ringo Lam, 1993, Hong Kong)

Hong Kong action meets Cannon Film sensibility in Ringo Lam’s Full Contact (aka Xia dao Gao Fei). The film opens with a robbery where audiences meet baddies Judge, Virgin, and Deano. A motley band of outlaws, Deano is a mohawked muscle man, Virgin is a drooling nymphomaniac, and Judge (Simon Yam) is a homosexual magical assassin in a snake-skin (more…)