The festivals are coming! The festivals are coming! It’s already the middle of May, and summer music festival season is right around the corner. It’s a time where people risk dehydration, sunburn, and spending $15 on a burrito to see some of today’s hottest acts jam it out under the sun — most likely surrounded by banners for Monster Energy drink and PlayStation. But, which ones do you go to? Can you go to them all? SHOULD you go to them all? Do you really like Jack Johnson that much? Don’t stress bro; we’re here to help. The Detour Guide to Summer Music Fests breaks ‘em all down for you, becoming a road map to fun under the blistering, hot, unrelenting, global warming induced sun. Rock out, and rock on. — Ryan Allen

SUMMER CAMP FESTIVAL
Three Sisters Park // Chillicothe, IL
May 23-25

If every summer camp had the Flaming Lips, New Pornographers, and Girl Talk performing in the mess hall, we’d be first in line to become counselors. Sadly, we don’t think Summer Camp Festival is taking applications. Regardless, this is going to be one awesome weekend, so pack a change of underwear and one of those helmets that you can drink beer from, and come on out. More info here.

MOVEMENT: DETROIT’S ELECTRONIC MUSIC FESTIVAL
Hart Plaza // Detroit, MI
May 24-26

Break out the glow-sticks, pacifiers, and rave pants, cos Movement is back ya’ll! Heavy on the DJs and mix-masters, Movement also strove for the cool factor by rounding up Girl Talk, Moby, Peanut Butter Wolf, and the Cool Kids to perform. That’s almost as good as that time Tortoise and Autechre destroyed our brains a few years back. More info here.

SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL
The Gorge Amphitheatre // Quincy, WA
May 24-26

Sasquatch is literally a giant, smelly, ferocious beast of a summer festival. With a monstrous lineup that includes Death Cab for Cutie, R.E.M., Modest Mouse, M.I.A., the Breeders, and, shit, even comedian Horatio Sanz, there will be no doubt in your mind that Sasquatch really does exist. More info here.

WAKARUSA MUSIC AND CAMPING FESTIVAL
Lawrence, KS
June 5-8

Wakarusa is essentially one of those hippie jam-band fests where people probably bring their dogs and shit. However, throw in some sets by the Flaming Lips, Built to Spill, and Dr. Dog, and, well… it’s still pretty jam-bandy. But hey! At least there’s camping! Also, fun fact: Wakarusa is Native American for “ass-deep.” More info here.

ROCK CITY FESTIVAL
The Majestic Theatre Center // Detroit, MI
June 12-14

Gosh, do we really need to tell you how awesome this is going to be? Sloan, The Von Bondies, Matt & Kim, Apes, VHS or Beta, the Death Set, and the city’s top-tier locals all unite to prove that Detroit really is Rock City. Just like KISS said. More info here.

BONNAROO
Manchester, TN
June 12-15

Bonnaroo started as hippie-jam-band central, but has since diversified its lineup to include bands like Death Cab for Cutie, the Raconteurs, Broken Social Scene, and Sigur Ros. And then there’s all those other jam-jamertons like O.A.R., Umphrey’s McGee, and dudes who were probably in Phish and the Grateful Dead. Do we smell Miller High Life and patchouli? More info here.

NXNE
Various locations // Toronto, ON, CA
June 12-15

As if Toronto isn’t appealing enough, they’ve got to go and throw a killer of a music festival, featuring elite indies like Besnard Lakes, Money Mark, Red Kross, French Kicks, and some of Canada’s hottest up-and-coming bands that you may or may not have heard of yet. The future of rock may very well be at NXNE, folks. More info here.

POPPED! MUSIC FESTIVAL
Various locations // Philadelphia, PA
June 20-22

Some festivals just like to pile it on, with way too many bands, way too many places to see these bands, and way too many hoops along the way. Not Philly’s Popped! Music Festival, however. Boasting heavyweights like Vampire Weekend, Mates of State, Daniel Johnston, Dan Deacon, and Crystal Castles, there’s no need for filler. And at this festival, it’s not going to be just the music that’s popping; it’ll also be something in your pants: your boner. More info here.

ROTHBURY
Double JJ Ranch // Rothbury, MI
July 3-6

You could consider Rothbury the North’s version of Bonaroo, with a healthy dose of indie-jammers (Modest Mouse, Of Montreal, the Black Keys), mom-jammers (John Mayer, Dave Matthews Band, Citizen Cope), jam-jammers (the Disco Biscuits, Steel Pulse, Lotus), dance-jammers (Flosstradamus, the Juan McClean), rap-jammers (Atmosphere, Brother Ali, Busdriver) and dude-jammers (311, Primus, Snoop Dogg). Yep, something for everyone. More info here.

COMERICA CITYFEST
New Center Area // Detroit, MI
July 2-6

Food and rock and roll go together like peanut butter and chocolate (unless you eat a burrito right before you go on stage. Then, watch out!). Detroit’s Cityfest knows this like no other, as they offer good eats mixed with good beats, from Broken Social Scene, De La Soul, George Clinton, the Zombies, Calexico, and lots more. More info here.

ESSENCE MUSIC FESTIVAL
Louisiana Superdome // New Orleans, LA
July 4-6
A hip-hop and R&B music festival — featuring royalty like Kanye West, LL Cool J, and Mary J. Blige — sponsored by McDonalds, the Army, and Wal*Mart. So you know where their priorities lie. More info here.

PITCHFORK MUSIC FESTIVAL
Union Park // Chicago, IL
July 18-20

If, for some reason, checking out the likes of Animal Collective, Spoon, Les Savy Fav, Jarvis Cocker, No Age, and loads of others — not to mention seeing Public Enemy do It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back in it’s entirety — doesn’t seem appealing to you, then you have earned a rating of 2.4. More info here.

SIREN MUSIC FESTIVAL
Coney Island // New York, NY
July 19

What those other festivals do over a weekend, the Village Voice curated Siren Music Festival crams it all into one hot-as-balls day; at Coney Island, no less! So you get to see groups like Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks, Broken Social Scene, the Helio Sequence, Times New Viking, and the chance to ride roller coasters and eat cotton candy? Shit, sign us up! More info here.

HARD SUMMER FESTIVAL
Shrine Expo Hall // Los Angeles, CA
July 19
Like an issue of URB magazine come to life, Hard Summer Festival features a beat-centric lineup that includes N*E*R*D, Spank Rock, Kid Sister, and Steve Aoki. Don’t forget to wear your extra-large “Party Til’ You Puke” t-shirt and gold bodysuit. More info here.

ROCK THE BELLS
Various locations
July 19-Aug 23

Rock the Bells: Is it a tour or is it a festival? Perhaps a tourestival? Either way, it’s awesome. Each weekend, starting July 19, Rock the Bells brings the pain with the likes of A Tribe Called Quest, NAS, Method Man and Redman, and Mos Def, to spots like Englewood, Colorado, and Columbia, Maryland. More info here.

MILE HIGH MUSIC FESTIVAL
Dick’s Sporting Goods Park // Commerce City, CO
July 19-20

Another one of those jam-banders-meets-indie-rock-and-dad-core music festivals, this time all the way up in the mountains of Colorado. Be prepared to lose your shit to acts like Spoon, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, the Whigs, and the Roots. Oh, and try not to freak out when Sunday’s headliner John Mayer walks by with Jennifer Aniston on his arm. We hear the air is thin up there. More info here.

CAPITOL HILL BLOCK PARTY
Neumo’s // Seattle, WA
July25-26

The idea of a block party seems like a riot in-of-itself. So, besides holding all-the-hot-dogs-you-can-eat contests and potato sack races, you also get to jam out to the likes of Les Savy Fav, Vampire Weekend, the Hold Steady, and Jay Reatard (who may or may not be inclined to punch the potato sack race winner in the face). More info here.

PEMBERTON FESTIVAL
Pemberton, BC, CA
July 25-27

Besides having a pretty amazing and diverse lineup — including Coldplay, Jay-Z, Wolfmother, the Secret Machines, and Black Mountain — Pemberton is perhaps the only festival where you’re going to see the Tragically Hip billed above Death Cab for Cutie and the Flaming Lips. That’s some Canadian pride right der, eh. More info here

LOLLAPALOOZA
Grant Park // Chicago, IL
August 1-3

A long time ago, some guy named Perry started Lollapalooza as a traveling summer circus, mainly to get people to come see his reunited band. Jane’s something or other. Now, it’s evolved into a stationary rock juggernaut, turning Chicago’s Grant Park into a breeding ground of today’s hottest talent, including this year’s headliners Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Kanye West, Nine Inch Nails, and, wait for it… Blues Traveler! More info here.

ALL POINTS WEST
Liberty State Park // Jersey City, NJ
August 8-10

Dubbed “the Coachella of the East Coast,” 2008 will be the innagural year for All Points West; and they’re coming out of the gates swing hard. You’ve got Radiohead at the top of the heap, along with Cat Power, New Pornographers, CSS, Black Kids, Chromeo, Animal Collective, and lots more. All points east for All Points West. More info here.

VIRGIN MOBILE FESTIVAL
Pimlico Race Course // Baltimore, MD
August 9-10

Yeah, you got festival regulars like Stone Temple Pilots, Foo Fighters and Jack Johnson scheduled as headliners, but the real treat here is going to be shit-hot sets from the reunited Shudder to Think, the fun-as-all-get-out Go! Team, and the legendary Chuck Berry. Wham City, indeed. More info here.

BUMBERSHOOT
Seattle Center // Seattle, WA
August 20-Sep 1

A super-eclectic festival in gorgeous Seattle, Washington, headed up by Beck, Neko Case, and Dan Deacon. Also featuring Wreckless Eric, composer of probably one of the best pop songs ever. More info here.

OUTSIDE LANDS MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL
Golden Gate Park // San Francisco, CA
August 22-24

Nothing really beats the idea of watching Radiohead perform with the Golden Gate Bridge at their backs. Throw in some Jack Johnson for the hacky sackers and some Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers for the moms and dads, and this festival seems pretty alright. More info here.

FUCK YEAH FEST
Echo Park // Los Angeles, CA
August 30-31

The lineup has yet to be announced, but if past performers like Deerhunter, No Age, and the Mae Shi are any indication, you’re bound to discover next year’s art-rock heroes right here. Bonus: curated by the Circle Jerks’ Keith Morris. You know, the one with the dreads! Still! More info here.