Jamie Kennedy Talks Shit

hecklerHeckler (Michael Addis, 2007)

Jamie Kennedy has an ax to grind. Once in danger of knocking Pauley Shore from his position as the most easily disparaged comedian, Kennedy comes out swinging in Michael Addis’s Heckler, a documentary that starts as a look at comedians and hecklers before quickly turning into a counter-attack on critics. The film features interviews with a bevy of comedians and feels a bit like a sequel to The Aristocrats during the heckler section. When the subject turns to critics, Kennedy comes to the fore as he interviews a few of the scribes who wrote the most scathing reviews of his work. The cajones of these critics, particularly Peter Grumbine, are jaw dropping. The only thing possibly more disconcerting is that Kennedy feels the need to defend some of his shitty films, like Son of the Mask. Kennedy isn’t particularly endearing or fabulously funny but Heckler works when he’s not whining about the unfair treatment Malibu’s Most Wanted got. Stick It In Your Queue.

Just An Ordinary Thursday: Cobo, Text Messages, And A Whole Lot of Stupid

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Detroit City Charter is the most useless document ever
If they wrote the Weimar Constitution in red crayon on the back of a Denny’s place mat stained with syrup and egg yolk, it would still be a more vital governing document than the Detroit City Charter. Weimar fucking Germany. You remember that constitution; the one that accidentally allowed Adolph Hitler to go from third place candidate to the worst dictator ever. At least Weimar clearly defined the limits of an executive veto. Oh hey, this is about Cobo. (Freep)

Jennifer Granholm was born yesterday
Our brave governor suddenly realized that Michigan’s roads are, in her official estimation, “the pits.” Is that a technical term? Does MDOT include “the pits” in their lexicon of road conditions? Granholm wants to change the gas tax so we can fix our terrible roadways. What a great idea! It’s a shame she didn’t think of this, you know, seven years ago when she first took office. Way to be on the ball Jenny. (DetNews)

Monday will be an orgy of text message porn
Call in sick Monday, make yourself a cocktail (or eight), and settle in for what should be a massive PDF filled with the details of felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s petty, dumb life. We already know so much that it’s hard to imagine there’s anything left that’s all that shocking. For instance, we know that Kilpatrick put down a Benz (sic) Chili Bowl sausage before Christine Beatty put down his sausage. Oh but there must be so much more! He didn’t fight to keep public record hidden because  Carlita was nagging him to pick up a quart of milk. (DetNews)

Wayne State to stimulate students
It wasn’t that long ago when “team of rivals” was the worst pundit catch phrase in the history of the chattering class. Oh to return to those innocent times! The paradigms have shifted. “Stimulus” is the new insufferable catch phrase. Wayne State isn’t increasing financial aid. They are providing tuition stimulus. Pretty soon Honeybee’s free samples will be called gastronomic stimulus. Hand jobs (not hand outs) will be erotic stimulus. The Mariel Boat Lift to Canada can’t happen soon enough. (Freep)

Fancy elitist Ann Arbor just another colony of poors
How do you like them apples, Ann Arbor? You thought you were so special with your nationally recognized university, sophisticated population, and pleasant downtown. Well guess what? The economy sucks and now you’re all poor slobs like the rest of southeast Michigan. Café Zola will probably just turn into a Rams Horn with $2.99 breakfasts and senior coffee. Feels good, knowing those uppity bastards are standing in the same unemployment lines as the rest of us. (MLive)

Blackwell means slob in the original Highland Park
When Robert Blackwell was Highland Park’s comically inept mayor, he used to conduct business out of the local strip club. Now that his son Art is Highland Park’s pretend mayor Emergency Financial Manager, he draws a secret salary and still can’t pay for his four luxury automobiles. Oh look! Art’s secret salary was even larger then he first let on. Why did they replace that nice accountant lady with this douche? Maybe not the best of decisions. (WDIV)

Blowout Underdogs

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Fashionably late — it’s a term everybody throws around when discussing the appropriate time to show up for something. When this year’s Hamtramck Blowout rolls around, it ain’t gonna be much different. We can see the text messages now…

“Dude, when R U going up there?”

“I dunno, dude. When does it start?”

“9?”

“K. Be there @ 11.”

Yep. Typical. But that’s where most of us go wrong. Sure, you’ve got all your trusted Cobras, D-Bombs, and Silent Years rounding out the headlining spots, all sure to pack ’em in. But hey, haven’t we written about them before? The real blood, sweat, piss, and vinegar of the Blowout experience lies just under the radar, nestled in the early slots — a place where Detroit’s weird, eclectic, underrated, and often-new, future headliners tread. Below are Detour’s picks for Blowout’s underdogs — 25 reasons to get off your ass and hit Ham-town early. Think of this list as that alluring light socket you know you want to stick your finger into, just to see how it feels. And let it be known: Fashionably late is now officially fashionably lame.

See you at the shows,
-The Detour Crew

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ALLAN JAMES AND THE COLD WAVE (Friday, 10:20 p.m. / Painted Lady)

Sure, it’s cool to be all weird and shit (‘sup, Timmy Vulgar), but sometimes nothing beats husky, baritone vocals gliding over gentle, slightly shoegazey-yet-tastefully-emotional pop. If Radiohead is the band that launched a thousand ships, Allan James and the Cold Wave is the little tugboat in front, quietly leading the way.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Good buds, good beer, good times, and strong songs. Also…we look good.”

MP3: Slammin’ Beers

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THE BLUEFLOWERS (Friday, 9:20 p.m. / Painted Lady)

Formally known as the under-appreciated Ether Aura, the Blueflowers woozy concoction of reverb-heavy guitars and American Gothic country-isms speak to the inner Cowboy Junkies fan in all of us. Columbia House 1 cent CDs 4-Ever!

Why they think you should see ’em: “Come get your fix of Americana/alt-country/melodramatic/indie music with the Blueflowers who just released their debut CD, Watercolor Ghost Town.

MP3: Any Three Words

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KELLY JEAN CALDWELL (Friday, 10:40 p.m. / K of C Lounge)

Speaking of Cowboy Junkies, Caldwell takes that band’s rustic ideals and sprinkles it with the kind of lo-fi folk that makes old Iron and Wine and Vashti Bunyan so appealing: a nice mix of the smooth and the strange. With local psychos like Craig Brown (Terrible Twos/Mahonies) and Todd McNulty (LMCA/Sugarcoats) now backing her up, add some dirt and grit to that last comparison.

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THE DARTS (Thursday, 8:20 p.m. / Paycheck’s)
Sometimes a band’s name just says it all — think sharp, spastic, pointed riffs, soaring basslines, and crash ‘n bang drums, all making a bee-line for your asshole.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Lansing heart throbs, the Darts, give high quality HJs.”

MP3: Dancey #19

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THE DETROIT PONY EXPRESS (Friday, 10:00 p.m. / New Dodge) Tack the word “Detroit” onto your name, and you’re setting yourself up to fill some pretty big shoes (the Detroit Wheels come to mind). But hey, these guys opened up for Peter Frampton once, so maybe they’re on to something. Listen to their blues-y/rock hybrid, and let them show you the way.

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DEVILFISH (Thursday, 9:20 p.m. / K of C Lounge)

Devilfish’s Pierce Reynolds has probably served you coffee before. Or maybe he saw you eating at Quizno’s once — alone. He’s also in Oscillating Fan Club — the D’s resident psyche/surf/pop weirdies. If you’re down with that group, think of Devilfish as OFC’s mute little brother — sans vocals, but still riding on blissful waves of salty-sea psyche.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Devilfish is a freak of nature and the Blowout shall be no less freakish as our set will include: Dinosaur frontmen, elf juice, a possible name change and the drummer of Wildcatting sitting in for Rez. Monster house 98 style. Also, this will probably be the only show for quite sometime. Skeletons!”

MP3: Sugar Sandwich Monster

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DIVINE COMEDIANS (Thursday, 9:40 p.m. / Bar Carbon)

Forgive these youngsters if Neil Hannon’s Divine Comedy isn’t on their radar — this ex-Dollface (plus some Decks and some Marthas) is too busy digging on vintage garage pop to care much about some Scott Walker-wannabe in a nice suit. The DC’s are cardigans and jeans, all the way.

Why they think you should see ’em: “People should come see us because our songs are catchy, we’re good looking, and we will really LISTEN when you want to tell us about your day.”

MP3: I’ll Take A Page

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ELLE & THE FONTS (Friday, 9:40 p.m. / Kelly’s Bar)

There’s lots of reasons to love Elle and her Fonts, but anybody who adores 90s lady-pop (think Juliana Hatfield, Breeders, Veruca Salt, and Letters to Cleo) as much as we do is tops in our book. Now, get to work on those listings, yo.

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FIDYRICH (Thursday, 8:40 p.m. / Bar Carbon)

FUCK. YES. This is what we’re talking about — drunken, Replacements/Husker’s/Uncle Tupelo-style drunk ‘n roll, falling all over the place and being all awesome and shit.

Why they think you should see ’em: You should come see Fidrych because a) It is our first show, b) we are 1/2 ex-porchsleeper and 1/2 ex-offramps and c) we are ready to bring the rock!

MP3: Throwin’ Stones

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1592

1592 (Friday, 10:00 p.m. / Trowbridge House of Coffee) We’re pretty sure they didn’t have reggae or dub back in the year 1592 (they didn’t have much of anything, really, except maybe some fuckin’ chores and shit), but the band 1592’s straight-up Rastafarian jams make up for their goofy nom de plume. Think Toots, Tubby and Desmond Decker — none of that 311 bullshit.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Take the vibe of Jamaica with the soul of Detroit and you get the Rocksteady madness of 1592.”

MP3: Rise of the Fallen

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LAST TOURIST (Thursday, 9:20 p.m. / Paycheck’s)

Some band’s thrive on being unorganized. They show up late for gigs, don’t bring all their gear, drink all your beer, and try and bang your girlfriend. Not Last Tourist, though. These dudes are total pros; nice guys, with nice songs that sound a bit like early Radiohead, except with the guy from Semisonic singing. Good. Pure. Never late.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Last Tourist: Proving naysayers that snarky gorillas CAN play bass since 2001.”

MP3: Again and Again

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LEIF ERIKSON (Saturday, 10:00 p.m. / The Belmont)

Like the Nordic Viking explorer that he takes his name from, rapper Leif Erikson navigates his rhymes like a sturdy wooden battleship bound for undiscovered lands. If his set at last year’s Blowout is any indication, you’re going to want to show up early for more lyrical pillaging.

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MAN AT ARMS (Friday, 10:40 p.m. / Kelly’s Bar)

Nevermind that Man At Arms was one of the most badass “He-Man” characters ever (tho Moss Man was kinda sweet, too). We’re more interested in the bizarre skronk this Cleveland/Ann Arbor duo are throwing down. Equal parts Shellac and Mr. Bungle, MAT is proof positive that not all Michigan bands are content with aping Iggy.

Why they think you should see ’em: “We’re your best choice for short, repetitive songs that fall apart before they really go anywhere, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get stuck in your head, annoying you for days.”

MP3: Everything is Getting Better/Worse

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MATT JONES (Friday, 9:20 p.m. / Atlas Bar)

By now, everybody knows the story about Mr. Matt Jones drinking an A&R guy into the gutter (literally) at last year’s SXSW. But what many Detroiters might not realize is that Jones — besides being Ann Arbor’s go-to sideman for all things folk and chamber pop, playing in such luminaries as Misty Lyn and The Big Beautiful, Elm From Arm, and Dabenport — is perhaps one of our state’s best examples of nimble-finger guitar plucking and delicately sung laments. Ex-pat Sufjan Stevens should watch his ass. separator.jpg

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NOMAN (Friday, 9:20 p.m. / The Belmont)

While seeing a white guy standing up on stage with an acoustic guitar usually conjures up images of Jack Johnson, hemp necklaces, and, more than likely, a beach ball being bounced around somewhere, Noman’s catchy acousti-punk makes a case for getting unhinged while being unplugged. Plus their new disc, Broadcast, was recorded by Steve Albini, so you know that the drums sound real good.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Noman delivers high energy, covertly acoustic fronted indie/punk anthems. D.C. meets Bob Dylan.”

MP3: Broadcast

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oldempire

OLD EMPIRE (Saturday, 9:40 p.m. / Baker’s Streetcar) The vocals may sound slightly like Mike Ness, but that’s where the Social Distortion comparisons begin and end. If the Von Bondies dug on Son Volt, Varnaline, and Centro-matic instead of the Misfits and the Jonas Broth…er, oops, we meant instead of Cheap Trick, then they might sound a little like Old Empire. Fans of guy/girl vocalizations and dusty-road pop that follows in the great Detroit tradition of the Volebeats, Blanche, and American Mars should welcome Old Empire nicely to the club.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Two reasons. You can choose which one you like better. We like porn as much as you do, [or] the first 50 entrants are eligible for free bubble gum.”

MP3: Sweaterdress

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THE PLAIN DEALERS (Thursday, 10:20 p.m. / Painted Lady)

A band that is self-deprecating enough to claim, “We’re so underdog we don’t have anything recorded,” has to have been around the block a few times, right? Right. Ex-members of Justamustache-era Thunderbirds are Now!, bluegrass kingpins the Salt Miners, and long-gone bubble-punkers the Trembling get together and conjure the ghosts of Quicksand and Jawbox. The 90s ruled; The Plain Dealers will remind you why.

Why they think you should see ’em: “My brother said we ‘sound like Fugazi if Ian drank and had kids.'”

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ROGUE SATELLITES (Thursday, 9:00 p.m. / K of C Hall)

Ever wonder what Brendan Benson would sound like if he re-imagined his saccharine power-pop as the soundtrack to a classic Nintendo vid, and also had a sense of humor? If not, don’t worry, because Rouge Satellites have gone ahead and done that for you. Wow…what a stress relief.

Why they think you should come see ’em: “You should come to our show at the Blowout because you don’t want to miss those resonant sounds that pulse and throb and shake your teeth from their sockets while your bones rattle and your hips sway eternally…or maybe you just want a great fucking rock show!”

MP3: Dead and Cold

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THE RUE MOOR COUNTS (Thursday, 10:00 p.m. / The Belmont)

These dudes used to be called the Birdogs, but let it be known that the Rue Moor Counts is a much better name. Sounds sinister, kind of like their music (a blistering mix of psyche, punk, and devilish folk). Also, somebody drinking cans of Coors in our van said that they “fucking rock.” This dude had a crazy beard and wooden earrings, so we’re going to trust him.

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RUNNING WITH PANTHERS (Friday, 10:40 p.m. / Small’s)

It’s a classic story — bartenders and the buddies they give free drinks to form a band, get wasted, grow mustaches, and give their songs stupid names (“Fuck Party And Fight”). Every town’s got one; we affectionately call ours ours Running With Panthers. Also: “Awwwww, what’s wrong with his ass? Look at his ass. It’s all fucked up!” (go to their Myspace page, and you will understand this)

Why they think you should see ’em: “RWP is the type of band that you don’t simply flirt with, you either completely buy into their majesty or call it schlock and move on.”

MP3: Take Me Home

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ALAN SCHEURMAN (Friday, 9:40 p.m. / K of C Lounge)

Scheurman’s days of toiling the basements and VFW halls of the often-thankless emo underbelly may be long gone (and so his old band Rescue, whose members have gone on to join Child Bite and the Silent Years, respectively), but his passion for music and art has gone unscathed. It’s just that now, instead of blaring guitars and complex time signatures, Scheurman gets his ghost on, singing haunted freak-folk that would probably sound awesome during that one sweat lodge scene from the third season of “Lost.”

Why he thinks you should see him: “You should come see me play if you’ve ever consumed mushrooms or LSD or if you’re wondering what happens when a folk singer eats both and plays a show!”

MP3: Starless

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siksiknation

SIKSIK NATION (Thursday, 9:40 p.m. / Smalls) These dudes talk their fair amount of shit on the local blogs, but listening to their grimy mix of B.R.M.C. fuzz, the Troggs-esque skuzz, and Rolling Stones shimmy, they have to goods to back it up. Also, this will likely piss them off, but sometimes they remind us of Tiny Music-era Stone Temple Pilots…which is totally a compliment in our book (seriously, “Big Bang Baby” fucking rules). Home-dude just sounds like Weiland, is all.

Why they think you should see ’em: “We make make space rock for agoraphobics.”

MP3: Lord Is My Gun

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WILD YEARS (Thursday, 9:40 p.m. / Whiskey in the Jar)

There must be something about living in Washtenaw County that drives boys with beards inside their homes to pick up acoustic guitars, fire up their four-tracks (or, more than likely, the ProTools software they just stole from the Internet), and lay down chunks of lo-fi, orchestral folk. Must be those ol’ collegiate blues. Anyways, we’ve already seen it work for Chris Bathgate, Matt Jones, and the (we think) now-defunct Canada…so let’s welcome Wild Years to the party, and keep enjoying this refreshing trend from our bros out west.

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WOLFBAIT (Saturday, 10:40 p.m. / Small’s)

A discussion was recently had: Is Wolfbait seriously funny, or just funny about being serious? We’re not totally sure, but we’re going to go with both. Either way, WB will probably show up to this show dressed like Meatloaft-meets-the-dudes-from-Mayhem, and will likely rip your dick off and pulverize it to bits with the sickest riffs this side of Harpos.

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WOODMAN (Friday, 9:40 p.m. / Paycheck’s)

Detroit’s best-dressed-Dad Frank Woodman leads his ragtag family of freaks through a raucous set of ramshackle tunes that make the Brian Jonestown Massacre and Danielson Family seem normal.

Why they think you should see ’em: “Come see Woodman because we’re a high energy family band that plays loud, cathartic, freewheeling Americana garage anthems with occasional drunken drama high jinks.”

MP3: 5-Second Rule

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Did we miss somebody? In a band and don’t think you’re an underdog? Go by the name Bryan Metro? Please, feel free to comment below.

Thank God We Ran Into Eloise Hawking

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We can’t remember exactly who’s idea it was to turn the Donkey Wheel in the Detour Bivouac. For a while there it looked like “game over” for us. Regardless, after 3 months in Tunisia, we’ve reassembled the team and added a few “Others” to help us spread the mission of Detour.

Make no mistake. We’re going to keep on doing what we’ve always done: spit fire about pop culture with  irreverence, snark and wit. Except now, we’re expanding our coverage into areas such as food and nightlife. We’re going to give you weekly features, mixtapes, movies and record reviews to go along with daily news, profiles of local businesses, and listings to tip you off to what’s happening around the D. Eat this city? We’ve been taking big-ass bites for awhile now — care to join us?

Here’s a quick overview of who we’re bringing back to the island with us:

Ryan Allen will continue to ruffle feathers with his no-holds barred opinions on all the cool songs you stole from the Internet. You probably hate him, until you meet him, and then realize all the shit you talked about him on those blogs was really just presumptuous. He’s a nice guy.

Woodwards Friend closed down shop over at the Detroitist and now brings his venomous snark to the pages of Detour. His daily State of the State and his weekly Douche of the Week are sure to cause a stir. He’s fairly anonymous, but if you know who this guy is, it’s probably smart to buy his lunch or put yourself at risk of ending up as the focus of one of his rants.

Zan and Jana got nothing on Laura and D’Anne Witkowski, our resident twin towers when it comes to music and movie writing. They scribe for others around town, but they write for us, too, and we’re proud to have them along.

Adam O’Connor used to have more hair on his face than his head, but now he’s got a good balance going on — just like his music writing, which we’re sure you’ll find the right amount of naughty and nice.

Mike White is also back, with our daily film feature Stick It In Your Queue. Our resident movie geek will remind you of why Christian Slater ruled the 80s, why cowboys are much better when they are also androids, and that Eric Bana just doesn’t cut it as Dr. Bruce Banner.

Scott Bragg — no “er” in these parts — has been a part of popular multi-state music blog The Post Rockist for some time now. He’s the guy in the specs and the grandpa sweater, likes of Montreal more than you, and does one hell of a Morrissey impression whilst karaoking.

Elle Sawa, formerly of Detroit Riot, will be wo-manning our listings section, What’s Happening. WH will not just feature a list of 10,000 events like so many other sites. Each listing will feature a short write-up giving you some background on the event. As these listings grow, they’ll become more interactive with mp3s, video and links to related content.

Antal, Kristina, Lisa, Jack, Franco, and Sara (consider them our “Tailies”) are new to the crew. They will be busy churning out profiles and giving some much-needed props to Detroit’s independent and under-appreciated businesses.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention Brandon White. He built our entire site from scratch. He also plants viruses in other people’s sites. He’s a talented and dangerous motherfucker. Hire him. Or he’ll hack your shit.

Expect a few updates this week as we ease back into things. Next week will be chock-full of daily content. We will have daily Blowout updates from Johnny Loftus who’s in town from Chicago covering the event. Who knows, maybe you’ll run into him on Jos. Campau, wearing a Steve-O mask and carrying a plastic bag full of Molson Canadian. No, not a plastic bag with a six-pack in it. We mean a bag with beer poured into it. That’s how we roll.

Brew & View: Twilight

twilightWhat goes together better than chocolate and peanut butter? Romantic teenage vampires and beeeeeer! Check out Twilight at the Brew N’ View (Magic Bag) on March 11th. You won’t be able to sneak in your underage girlfriend/boyfriend (that’s creepy that you even have one); this is 21+. But that Edward Cullen is a total hottie, ZOMG! $2, doors at 8pm, film at 9:30!

Theresa Anderrson, JSB Squad, Big Mess

theresaandersson11Maybe you’ve heard of Theresa Andersson. Maybe you haven’t and you’ve never been on YouTube. Either way, she is taking her one-woman gig on the road. With support from Detroit’s JSB Squad and Big Mess, Andersson will be performing on March 12th at the Pike Room at 7pm. It’s presented by 93.9 THE RIVER, and JSB swears there will be free giveaways of some sort.

Telegraph, Hellmouth, The Transfer, Spick of it All

telegraphIt’s the return of Telegraph (ex-Suicide Machines, Derek Grant of Alkaline Trio)!  Their demise in 2001 left a lot to be desired, but thanks to the booking prowess at Small’s, they are back. Call it cosmic. We call it ska. March 13th with Hellmouth, the show is $10 in advance. Chances are, it will be sold out by the time you get there, kids! Doors at 8pm.

25th Anniversary Rock ‘n’ Bowl After Party

25throcknbowlA free show at the Magic Stick/Garden Bowl with Troy Gregory, the Readies, Magic Shop, and DRINK SPECIALS?! No shit. Bands to play upstairs and on the bowling alley to celebrate 25 years of Rock N’ Bowl at the Garden Bowl (bowling plus rock n’ roll, get it?). Free things are good. You have no excuse NOT to go (DRINK SPECIALS! At the Magic Stick!). March 14th. Doors at 8pm.