Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 5, 2009 at 9:39 am

Detroit City Charter is the most useless document ever
If they wrote the Weimar Constitution in red crayon on the back of a Denny’s place mat stained with syrup and egg yolk, it would still be a more vital governing document than the Detroit City Charter. Weimar fucking Germany. You remember that constitution; the one that accidentally allowed Adolph Hitler to go from third place candidate to the worst dictator ever. At least Weimar clearly defined the limits of an executive veto. Oh hey, this is about Cobo. (Freep)

Jennifer Granholm was born yesterday
Our brave governor suddenly realized that Michigan’s roads are, in her official estimation, “the pits.” Is that a technical term? Does MDOT include “the pits” in their lexicon of road conditions? Granholm wants to change the gas tax so we can fix our terrible roadways. What a great idea! It’s a shame she didn’t think of this, you know, seven years ago when she first took office. Way to be on the ball Jenny. (DetNews)

Monday will be an orgy of text message porn
Call in sick Monday, make yourself a cocktail (or eight), and settle in for what should be a massive PDF filled with the details of felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s petty, dumb life. We already know so much that it’s hard to imagine there’s anything left that’s all that shocking. For instance, we know that Kilpatrick put down a Benz (sic) Chili Bowl sausage before Christine Beatty put down his sausage. Oh but there must be so much more! He didn’t fight to keep public record hidden because  Carlita was nagging him to pick up a quart of milk. (DetNews)

Wayne State to stimulate students
It wasn’t that long ago when “team of rivals” was the worst pundit catch phrase in the history of the chattering class. Oh to return to those innocent times! The paradigms have shifted. “Stimulus” is the new insufferable catch phrase. Wayne State isn’t increasing financial aid. They are providing tuition stimulus. Pretty soon Honeybee’s free samples will be called gastronomic stimulus. Hand jobs (not hand outs) will be erotic stimulus. The Mariel Boat Lift to Canada can’t happen soon enough. (Freep)

Fancy elitist Ann Arbor just another colony of poors
How do you like them apples, Ann Arbor? You thought you were so special with your nationally recognized university, sophisticated population, and pleasant downtown. Well guess what? The economy sucks and now you’re all poor slobs like the rest of southeast Michigan. Café Zola will probably just turn into a Rams Horn with $2.99 breakfasts and senior coffee. Feels good, knowing those uppity bastards are standing in the same unemployment lines as the rest of us. (MLive)

Blackwell means slob in the original Highland Park
When Robert Blackwell was Highland Park’s comically inept mayor, he used to conduct business out of the local strip club. Now that his son Art is Highland Park’s pretend mayor Emergency Financial Manager, he draws a secret salary and still can’t pay for his four luxury automobiles. Oh look! Art’s secret salary was even larger then he first let on. Why did they replace that nice accountant lady with this douche? Maybe not the best of decisions. (WDIV)


3 Responses to “Just An Ordinary Thursday: Cobo, Text Messages, And A Whole Lot of Stupid”

  1. Slob on March 5th, 2009 3:05 pm

    Granholm’s moles turn me on

  2. Melocoton on March 5th, 2009 5:54 pm

    Nothing in the linked article showed Wayne State using the term “stimulus.”

  3. Woodwards Friend on March 5th, 2009 10:29 pm

    Looks like the Freep revised the article. It’s in the original WSU press release.

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