Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 15, 2009 at 8:44 am
If teabagging isn’t your thing, just wait for the bukkake against regulation
One would think (hope?) that the party of Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard might try to be smart about branding their political protests. Santorum anyone? The GOP is also the party of Sarah Palin and Glen Beck so their per capita IQ rivals the Detroit City Council. All over the country literally dozens of people will be “teabagging” to protest taxes. Sam Wurzelbacher, who travels the country as gay porn archetype Joe the Plumber, will headline the teabagging activities in Lansing. I also hate the bitter, salty taste of high taxation but, like most actual taxpayers, my Wednesday afternoon is presently occupied by this thing called a job. So, no, I will not dip my balls in Wurzelbacher’s mouth later today. (Americans for Progress)
Tote bag owners across America learn about the awful Detroit Public Schools
It’s obvious to locals that one of Detroit’s biggest problems is a grossly under-performing public education system run by a politicized mob of braying dullards. To outsiders, that might not be so obvious. That’s why DPS emergency financial manager Robert “Bob” Bobb was on Yo! NPR Raps NPR’s Tell Me More yesterday. He carefully explained that he has to clean up a dump truck of shit if the DPS is to function. He then offered listeners this handsome DPS tote bag that for a donation of $65. When he goes on public television the donation gift will be either a Yanni At The Acropolis CD or Wayne Dwyer book because PBS viewers become morons who like that shit during pledge drive. (NPR)
Detroiters are the new Okies
Mmmm…vegetables grown on large swaths of Detroit’s eastside. That soil isn’t filled with paint thinner, old motor oil, lead, or anything like that. It’s the perfect place to grow strawberries! Mayor Ken Cockrel is starting to think so. He’s warming to the idea of building a tomacco plantation in Detroit’s dust bowl. Hell, if tobacco residue is the only thing infesting those crops then we’re ahead of the game. You know what would taste great with potatoes and salad from the Detroit plantation? Great Lakes fish! Let’s see what we can catch down by Zug Island and meet back at the farm house in time for dinner. It’s Little House on the Prairie crossed with a made-for-tv movie about the Love Canal. (Freep)
Stanley Christmas is a local political treasure
It’s really a shame that only 103 of you cockpunchers bothered to vote for the Stanley Christmas. He is Detroit’s greatest politician since Hanzen Pingree. Christmas is suing to block the speculative demolition of the Michigan Central Station. Government is hassling local small businessman Matty Moroun because his MCS has a few broken windows that he can’t afford to fix. Everyone should teabag Matty Moroun so the government knows we mean business about saving the MCS. Not just Dan Stamper. He teabags Moroun every night so no one would be impressed by that. But if everyone in Preservation Wayne put their balls in Moroun’s mouth…then we’d have something. (Fox2)
You people are fucking stupid
Everybody in Michigan is poors. Close to 15% of you don’t have jobs. You can only sell your house on blue light special. Collectively, we haven’t been this broke since 1929. Anyone remember the significance of that date? Anyone? Apparently not because none of our present bad times is slowing lottery sales. You fucktards always find a little bit of money in your household budget to buy lottery tickets. Odds of 5,000,000 to 1 aren’t that long. Especially if you buy like 25 tickets every week. If you think about it, this totally makes more sense than going to school or learning a marketable skill. Can’t win if you don’t play! (MLive)
Tags: bukkake, DPS, farms, Ken Cockrel, lottery, Matty Moroun, MCS, NPR, poors, Sam Wurzelbacher, Stanley Christmas, taxes, teabagging
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10 Responses to “Protest Taxes By Stuffing Your Balls Into Sam Wurzelbacher’s Mouth, Growing Food At Old Amaco Stations, And Stanley Christmas Saves The MCS”
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I still like the farm idea. I can’t help it. I have this fantasy of extant neighborhoods on the east side as tiny villages surrounded by acres of farmland. The farm workers can live there, stabilizing what’s left of the housing stock and changing the character of the area, and since farmland must be tended, there is activity - and even beauty - on acres of empty land that currently sit blighted.
As for contaminants - once levels of contamination are actually determined the area could become a great test area exploring methods of phytoremediation. And they could also plant crops that are not intended for consumption. The Christmas tree farm seems to play to this idea.
I just think it’s not the half-assed it might seem to be at first. Besides if this area doesn’t stop saying “can’t do it” to every new idea then we’re REALLY fucked. And not the good way.
And here you thought I’d be commenting on the teabagging.
The Christmas tree farm is interesting for the reasons you mention. It’s going to take a lot of effort and money to assemble the land and clear title for this thing and I’m sure it will receive some additional economic development aid. What projects will be missed because city development officials are doing this?
If we’ve decided the east side is too far gone (not an unreasonable decision) then I’d prefer we just plant trees and let it go fallow. It’s cheaper, low risk, and it reduces our carbon footprint.
Your larger point is correct, we have to spot saying “we can’t do it” to everything. One thing we can do is spend a few bucks to prep and market the Lafayette Building for a re-development that could happen in six months or 15 years.
Truck nutz. Also.
Welcome Huffington Posters! YOU LOVE US! YOU REALLY LOVE US!
We really do!
Great run-down of Detroit, by the way. I wish Denver had someone doing something exactly like this. (I get updates on Michigan politics from friends, and holy hell if I can’t believe your Council President sometimes.)
I can’t believe I leave town for a few days and the Huffington Post was here! I’m starting to think that Supergay took over for Woodwards Friend what with all the teabagging and beards this week. Then again SG would probably leave sports and politics alone altogether for something far more fabulous.
It makes perfect sense that Joe the Plumber is from Ohio. That bald head, goatee, and Buckeyes shirt is what everyone looks like there. It’s some sort of douche uniform, or new douche race. I’m not really sure how it all came together mostly because Ohio is Shelbyville so I pretty much avoid it.
Farming the east side is genius, but if we really want to be progressive, Detroit should legalize two things: Gay Marriage and Marijuana. That way big old abandoned houses will become bed and breakfasts, and abandoned factories can be massive grow-ops.
Way to show those “stupid” “poor” Detroit/Michiganders. Next you’ll be telling me if I just worked hard enough I could make it out, somehow, (with your daddy’s dollars?).
Indie… hahaha.
No, you are right Tom. The regressive form of taxation known as the lottery is the greatest, most effective system for the redistribution of wealth ever imagined. People in tough financial times should buy more lottery tickets. What other solutions do you have for the poor and the working class? Payday loans? Code Pink rallies? Art Blackwell?
Next time you imply someone is speaking from the bourgeoisie perspective…don’t post from a University of Michigan medical school IP address.