Douche of the Week

Mmmmmmmm….A Statue-Sized Fistful Of Little Roquefort Cheese Morsels Rolled In Crushed Nuts

Posted by: Woodwards Friend on April 26, 2009 at 10:25 am


Kristallnacht was among the most horrific events in western history. Nearly 100 people were killed, several hundred thousand more were sent to die in concentration camps, synagogues, homes, and businesses were burned by Nazi storm troopers. In the midst of this orgy of mob violence, a prominent German quietly hid two Jewish children and helped smuggle them to the United States. At the risk of getting all Paul Harvey…that man was former heavyweight boxing champion Max Schmeling.

I tell you this because National Public Radio, Max Schmeling was described as a “Nazi Poster Boy” on Friday morning. That superficial and slanderous meme is befits of the work Joseph Goebbels, not a respected news organization. It’s not like that information isn’t available in 10 seconds on the Google. The off-handed slander of Max Schmeling is but one of many things wrong with this dreary NPR commentary about the Joe Louis Fist from “adopted Detroiter” Celeste Headlee, the Douche of the Week.

Perhaps no one told “adopted” Detroiters that everyone else stopped caring about that dumb fist around 1990. NPR’s next essay should explore who is the funnier Cheers character:  Cliff or Norm. Like the thoughtless slander of Schmeling, the Fist commentary’s staleness is but one of the essay’s many problems. At the heart of this audio Hallmark card is the Fist-as-symbolic-of-plucky-Detroiters cliché. And that nonsense is the real problem.

Detroiters, according to NPR, are plucky enough to say hello on the street and bake casseroles for the recently unemployed. When did the most banal of social mores become exceptional or even noteworthy? There’s something so radical chic about all this. Do these Detroiters, like Leonard Bernstein’s Black Panthers, enjoy asparagus tips with little dabs of mayonnaise and meatball petites au Coq Hardi? They are brave. Plucky also.

We refuse to be defeated! Just like Joe Louis! Fine feel and bad history, as the late Pat Moynihan was fond of saying. Joe Louis may remain the greatest heavyweight of all time but there’s 40 years of demographic evidence to suggest that Detroit has been knocked out like Gerry Cooney or Michael Spinks. Not just the city, but also the metro area and the entire state of Michigan. Our politicians may lie (and cheat and steal and then get head from Christine Beatty) but Census data can only tell a grim truth. People can’t abandon this industrial dust bowl fast enough.

Consider this a Joe Louis Fist cockpunch: while Detroit was (and still is, apparently) pondering corporate fist art and smiling at strangers, the rest of the world was preparing for the post-industrial society. Metro Detroit is a generation behind other rust belt cities like Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Cincinnati. Even second-rate milltowns like Youngstown are making tough decisions to ensure survival while Detroit dithers…albeit with a smile and a Bisquik cheeseburger pie. Double-digit unemployment, $300,000,000 structural deficits, crumbling infrastructure, devalued real estate market, these problems won’t go away because of a can-do spirit. The giant sucking sound you hear is the emigration of the employable.

You’ll have to excuse my lack of patience for dull little pep talks (and mangled Latin) about Detroit’s slumbering greatness. You will also excuse me for expecting more from life than a pan of mostacholi on layoff day. The Optimist Club, NPR, and the rest of the boobosie can keep their pasta and artistic explorations of fisting. Empty gestures don’t fucking matter at this point. Oh and speaking of empty gestures, while Detroit managed to honor Joe Louis (in death) with a giant metal fist menacingly pointed toward Canada, “Nazi poster boy” Max Schmeling supported Louis financially in later life and paid for the Brown Bomber’s funeral. Speramus meliora, indeed.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Mmmmmmmm….A Statue-Sized Fistful Of Little Roquefort Cheese Morsels Rolled In Crushed Nuts”

  1. Julie on April 26th, 2009 4:02 pm

    I wasn’t aware of his helping the Jewish children, but I remembering reading and being taught early on about his generosity with Joe Louis. WTF is up with NPR? Deeds are what count! Yeah, the frickin Nazi’s used him, but he never spouted their crap, to the best of my knowledge. While we’re at it, why don’t we start with the pope–Mr. Hitler Youth himself. Bet they didn’t touch that one with a 30 foot fist, though.

  2. Robert on April 27th, 2009 1:07 pm

    Good post. Often the negativity of this blog is unnecessary, but this time it was right on. Yes, it’s disheartening to see Cleveland and Pittsburgh bypass Detroit, but it will even be worse to see Youngstown right their ship while Detroit continues to do nothing but go back to its pioneer days.

  3. Linking back, 8 May 2009 « archizoo on May 7th, 2009 6:50 pm

    [...] there was this rant, and the realization that I am not, apparently, one of those who left thought of "the dumb [...]

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