Music, Record Reviews

New Record: Danzig, The Lost Tracks of Danzig

Posted by: Johnny Loftus on August 1, 2007 at 9:07 am

danzig.jpg
DANZIG, The Lost Tracks of Danzig (Evilive, 2007)
“Pain is Like an Animal,” “You Should be Dying,” “Bound by Blood,” “When Death Had No Name”: these are just a few of the song titles on Lost Tracks of Danzig, a new two-disc set from Glenn “Hey, I needed the money, okay?” Danzig. Whether these tracks were actually lost, or if they’re just some rough sketches Glenn had laying around next to his collection of sub-Boris Vallejo grease pencil folk art isn’t important, at least to the rest of us: Danzig fanatics are going to get this set, and the rest of us are going to poke fun at it.

And that’s why those song titles are so awesome. First, with a simple sprinkling of exclamation points, each one of them becomes an indie establishment-approved meditation on Rock, Life, and Ironic Metal Love. “Pain is Like an Animal!”, “You Should be Dying!”, “Bound by Blood!”, “When Death Had No Name!” — with the punctuation added, you can picture hundreds of indie dudes in jeans cuffed at the shin brandishing goat horns and smirks to these jams.

They also become the subtitles to Andrew WK’s latest bullshit lecture on love being the mango salsa spread at the center of the universe, or whatever he’s hawking to the willing these days.

Of course, with his musclebound self removed in favor of a flabby, aging huckster in a Jersey Shore pony tail, Danzig’s song titles could also be part of a two-disc DVD set called The Lost Films of Steven Seagal. Pain is Like an Animal would star Seagal as a rogue DEA agent taken prisoner by a wise-cracking, torture-loving Puerto Rican drug lord named Cucho (Fat Joe). In You Should be Dying, the sequel to 2005’s Today You Die, Seagal would re-team with Today costar Anthony “You know, Treach from Naughty by Nature” Criss to wreak more arm-breaks and takedowns on the dudes who framed him. Bound by Blood would find Seagal in the snow-driven wilds of the Arctic Circle, hot on the trail of a ruthless gang of miscreants using dog sleds to import heroin from the Russian mainland, while the final film would be a fan favorite known mostly for its tag line. “When death had no name, he gave it one.”

To Danzig’s credit, in the two versions of “When Death Had No Name” that appear on Lost Tracks, he does the best Jim Morrison impersonation since 1996, when Seagal made a prostitute call him “Lizard King” for three hours in the honeymoon suite of a Reno, Nev. La Quinta.

– Johnny Loftus

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